It's amazing how much is going on and how I can still feel so numb.

My grandma's condition is getting worse, and she just had her 76th birthday. Since she hasn't been able to swallow solid foods in two months, and only eats pudding and jello and gatorade, her throat muscles have atrophied and she even has trouble swallowing the fucking pudding. They finally got all the bits of pills she's been taking for decades that congealed in the bottom of her stomach out. All in all it added up to about 6 pounds of them. The hernia where part of her stomach turned inside out and pushed through her esophagus tissue isn't any better yet. And she's down under 80 pounds... The doctors are doing their best....

but mum may have to to live down there soon to help take care of grandma.

Also I got stalked for three days, that was scary... then he got mad when I told him I didn't want it and told me that no one would ever care about me and I'd die old and sad and alone...

I've been seeing and hearing from lots of people this week that I never thought I'd see again, and didn't really want to see again anyway.

Deaton, Anthony, Sean.. Sean(croc) is the worst.

I hate it when all the stresses and regrets show up at once. I caught myself absent mindedly timing a fatal step out in front of a truck today as I was walking down the road. Good thing I came back to consciousness when I did or I may never have. The weird thing is that I'm not even feeling all the stress and loneliness I was reacting to. Maybe I have lost my mind.